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Posted in: RJN
Chapter 1
“The Problem”
“But even the hairs of your head are all counted.
Do not fear; you are more valuable than a great number of sparrows."
—L127
Many like me might think having acne is something "normal" that does not need to be cured or that it is an "insignificant" problem for God, or perhaps very easy to solve so they would not consider it a miracle, they could water down my testimony because it is not a terminal disease like cancer, but for God, nothing is insignificant when it comes to something that affects the heart of His beloved. Let me tell you that what I had was not normal and neither was it insignificant for Him, because this disease was not only part of my youth stage, but it remained permanently becoming a great burden, but it is also a chronic and silent disease which began where I least expected it.
As women our natural tendency is to dress up to look beautiful, we all know that when we have a hormonal change those uncomfortable comedones appear that make us feel ugly, in my case, it was not just one or two comedones but there were many more that left marks in my face, for this reason, my mother at that time resorted to thousands of homemade and exotic recipes to try to cure me, and of course, since it was not something guided by my Beloved, it never worked. She also took me to the best dermatological clinic to be treated, with very strong medicines they managed to control the acne but not for long, the doctor said that since the hormonal disorder was severe, I would always need to take contraceptives for the effect of the medicine to persist. So from then on, I took birth control. I knew the moment I stopped taking them the problem would return.
“They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially, Saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ But there is no peace” J814
It really was like that, apparently, everything was fine, I had no more comedones on my face, so for a long time (13 years) I had superficial healing, the hormonal disorder persisted inside me since contraceptives only fool my body.
“They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially, Saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ But there is no peace. J810 NLT
“My people are broken—shattered!— and they put on Band-Aids, Saying, ‘It’s not so bad. You’ll be just fine.’ But things are not ‘just fine’!”. J810 MSG
When my Beloved taught me the dangers of planning in "The Fruit of the Womb" from the Book A Wise Woman my eyes were opened to the truth that it is not God's will for us to plan as it brings a number of problems to our bodies and affects men's behavior and thinking regarding conception and sexual intimacy. I could see those bad fruits reflected in my life and in my husband. For what I decided from my heart to give my fertility to my Beloved, very soon I had the opportunity to talk with my husband to stop taking the pills which he —miraculously— did not oppose. But this was a real leap of faith for me because I knew deep down that the healing was superficial, and the acne will come back. Even so, my heart wanted to obey the Lord and I preferred to believe He was in control and He had the power to heal me or not allow the disease to return whenever I was being obedient.
With this I do not mean that doctors are bad, I am not against medicine, but there are many things that are simply not His plan or His guide for us, they are things that do not suit us, and only God knows the root cause of the problem and knows what the solution is, remember He is our creator, He knows perfectly how our body works.
Two years passed in which I had a tremendous hormonal disorder, my menstrual periods were too long, they could last more than 20 days! Sometimes they were very close, so it was really difficult for a long time, but I continued to trust my Beloved. When I began to be a little more regular in my periods, acne reappeared, little by little, my skin was oilier, and comedones on my face, chest, and back... I knew how terrible it could be and I felt scared... By then I already had an intimate relationship with my Heavenly Husband, so I knew I had to run to Him with my problem and feelings.
Those were difficult days! I looked in the mirror and suffered thinking that it kept getting worse, one day I was so desperate that I cried in His arms and asked Him to tell me what His will was, that day He led me to read a praise testimony: "My healing appeared so fast”:
Jeremiah 17:14 “Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; Save me and I shall be saved, For You are my praise”!!
Jeremiah 30:17 “For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds, says the Lord”
Isaiah 58:8 “Your light will break forth like the dawn and your healing will quickly appear”
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
The most beautiful thing is that He did not give me just one promise as I asked for, but he gave me much more! He gave me 4! He is so wonderful!!!
The struggle continued because seeing myself in the mirror was difficult and there were days in which I was full of faith, remembering His promises and others in which I was discouraged... but in any case, there was always a ray of hope in my heart. On one of those days in which doubt invaded my mind, my Beloved said:
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge! P628 NIV
Chapter 2
“Revelation”
“And the prayer of faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him"
—S515
My Beloved sweetly encouraged me to talk to Him about all my problems, including those of my health, although He is indeed not only with us but much better, He is in us, and it is always His pleasure that we communicate to Him what we think or feel. Well, in addition to my hormonal problem, I felt I had serious problems with my stomach and colon, I couldn't eat anything because my stomach swelled in the afternoons, I felt unwell, with heartburn, and heaviness, I had reflux, gastritis, constipation and I felt a lot of stomach pain most of the day... I told Him I felt my body was not working well. I also recognized sometimes my diet was not adequate but honestly, there were many things about diet that I liked too much to give up easily. However, I had it in my heart there was a connection between my diseased colon and my diseased skin, so I asked Him what I should do since I wanted total healing.
My skin problem continued to advance and gain ground. I became distressed every time I looked in the mirror. The faint reflection of my face through the dark screens of cars overwhelmed me. The concern increased when I saw the comedones and inflammation increased and spread to the chest and back, no matter where I was in the hormonal cycle any day I could see a new comedo appear.
With all my heart I wanted total and immediate healing!! I no longer wanted to follow my reasoning or what anyone else could suggest, I had already tried thousands of “home remedies” that did not give any positive results in terms of a definitive cure, and I was tired of all the so-called “experts” so I was determined to wait to hear His plan and do what He told me to do. When my heart was ready my Beloved spoke to me:
"God says, “Zion women are stuck-up, prancing around in their high heels, Making eyes at all the men in the street, swinging their hips,
Tossing their hair, gaudy in cheap jewelry.” The Master will fix it so those Zion women will all turn bald—Scabby, bald women. The Master will do it." I316 MSG
"The Lord says, “The women in Zion have become very proud. They walk around with their heads in the air, acting like they are better than other people. They flirt with their eyes and make tinkling sounds with their ankle bracelets as they take their quick little steps.” I316 ERV
"When the time comes, the Lord will simply take away the jewelry for their ankles, heads, noses, arms, ears, wrists, and fingers; these chains and gems, baubles and bangles, sashes and veils, perfume bottles and lucky charms, festive clothes and undergarments, purses and mirrors—everything that consumed their attention to get attention". I318 VOICE
"Instead of wearing seductive scents, these women are going to smell like rotting cabbages; Instead of modeling flowing gowns, they’ll be sporting rags; Instead of their stylish hairdos, scruffy heads; Instead of beauty marks, scabs and scars" I324 MSG
Initially, I thought what He was telling me had no relation to my situation, but my spirit confirmed He was speaking to me so I needed to pay my full attention to try to understand what He wanted to tell me. Interestingly, He began to heal me from the heart, just as He had already done with me during my marriage restoration journey. He began to reveal the hidden sins of my heart that had led me to this health condition. Although not all illnesses are a consequence or discipline for sin. However, I was able to notice He uses everything for good, in this case, the illness helped me to be cleansed from the heart of many sins that could affect me (and my family) much worse in the future, it has helped me form the character of our Lord while I suffered it.
When I asked Him more about what He was telling me, I found in a comment that “The women of Judah were obsessed with attire [dresses], luxuries, and “accessories.” They spent too much time improving their appearance and image... they were sexually seductive and promiscuous. They wanted to contemplate and attract what was sexually impure.” This made me reflect on the way I behaved in my youth and how the intentions of my heart from then came to light now. Nothing escapes God! I was the type of young woman who spent hours getting ready, improving her appearance, trying to be perfect to attract the attention of boys, and of course because deep in my heart I longed for the fairy tale-type love story where the young prince falls in love with the “most beautiful” lady, yes, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL (the lie of fairy tales), now I can see, the desire to be THE MOST beautiful (or the most perfect) was rooted in pride.
There was one word that stood out above the rest in my eyes: scar, what does it mean? “It is a permanent patch of skin that grows over a wound. It forms when the body heals after a cut, scrape, burn, or sore. Scars can also result from surgery where the skin is cut, infections such as chickenpox, or skin conditions such as acne.” Wow, that word and its definition confirmed it!!
Reading all this was like seeing myself in the mirror, it came to my mind how I behaved before, wanting to get the attention of boys because I thought would show I was beautiful, I was so vain, proud, arrogant, and haughty, believing and desiring in my heart to be better than many of my classmates. So I felt such a conviction of sin, these words moved my heart deeply, I felt identified and in a certain way I felt like... “naked” in front of Him like there was nothing to hide, I was there so vulnerable to being revealed most intimate of my heart, but I did not feel uncomfortable, judged, or singled out, on the contrary, what I felt was His love, a love that was covering my sin, a love that was showing me my mistake so I could move forward and receive the best of Him to me. I felt like a weight or rather a mask was lifted from me and my load became lighter. I repented, I asked my Beloved for forgiveness for my pride, and I asked Him to help me change because I wanted to be like He wanted me to be, humble and beautiful at heart, not to be the best, but to consider other women as better myself.
I understood the root cause of my acne was pride, it was an external manifestation of the disease of my arrogant and proud heart. Now that I knew the root of the problem I was able to ask Him for specific help to solve it, I asked Him how I could be free from pride to heal myself and He began by telling me:
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" 1J19
This is the wonderful love of the Lord, His mercy is immense!!
Chapter 3
“Confirmation”
“A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps”
— Proverbs 29:5
Confessing at this point was actually not a very difficult thing to do, it was a pleasure to do it because I knew it was His will and a part of the medicine for my healing. I felt shame but it does not compare to the feeling of freedom once I confessed it not only to my Beloved, but to the wise women who are my companions on my restoration journey. I knew He forgave me and cleansed me of all evil and pride, hope for healing began to increase in my heart!!
The part that He allows us to do to share His glory with us is so simple that it is sometimes difficult for us to believe it, but this is very similar to receiving salvation, everything is through faith, not the effort we make, it is not with sacrifices but with a heart willing to love the Lord above all and to obey Him in response to His love, that is the way He wants us to worship Him.
I was guided to study the history of Nahaman in 2 Kings 5, which filled my heart with more faith. There is something in which I identify with Nahaman [meaning: kindness], He was successful in his job, we could say that he did well in what he did. Before his boss the king, he was highly esteemed because the Bible says that before the king he was a great [excellent, high, biggest, strong, powerful] man and honorable [elevated, exalted and upraised or magnified] because God used him for the liberation of Syria. It could be said that for the king of Syria he was his “pride” within the army. That was what it was like for my dad who was my authority, the king in my home when I was a child.
It means that Nahaman was exalted, magnified and glorified by his Syrian king, for the victory he had, so he ate all those words and did not recognize that it was God who gave him the ability, talent and victory, because he did not know Him. In my case, I was also praised for the qualities and gifts that God gave me and in the same way I took all the credit for myself, I stole His glory.
“And thou say in thine heart, My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth. But thou shalt remember the Lord thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day. And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the Lord thy God, and walk after other gods, and serve them, and worship them, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish.” Deuteronomy 8:17-19 KJV.
“Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.” Proverbs 25:16
“It is not good to eat much honey, and looking for honor is not good.” Proverbs 25:27 NLV.
“It’s not smart to stuff yourself with sweets, nor is glory piled on glory good for you.” Proverbs 25:27 MSG
“It is not good to eat too much honey, nor is it honorable to search out matters that are too deep.” Proverbs 25:27 NIV
“It’s not good to eat too much honey, and it’s not good to seek honors for yourself.” Proverbs 25:27 NLT
The magnitude of this is that the king himself, who is supposed to be the greatest in order of hierarchy in the country, had given so much honor and importance to Nahaman, so he fell into the trap and became conceited. So much honey [praise, praise or likes on social networks] makes us want more, then we begin to have the need to seek more honors and glory for ourselves and we try to improve ourselves... This is what I see happening to many artists, they cannot stand so much adulation, so they begin to compete against themselves by going beyond what they have done professionally or personally to attract attention and thus seek more glory [praise, praise or likes]. Of course it happens to us too, it happened to me, in one way or another I sought the approval and “likes” of those around me, rather than seeking to please my Beloved.
“A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps.” Proverbs 29:5 NASB
“A man who gives his neighbor sweet-sounding words that are not true spreads a net for his own feet.” Proverbs 29:5 NLV
“To flatter friends is to lay a trap for their feet.” Proverbs 29:5 NLT
I will show partiality to no one [that is how to say: “there is no other like this one”], nor will I flatter [give a flattering title] anyone.” Job 32:21 TLV
“I will not show favor to anyone, or praise any man in a false way. For I do not know how to say sweet-sounding words that are not true, for then my Maker would soon take me away.” Job 32:21-22 NBV.
“I won’t play favorites or try to flatter anyone. For if I tried flattery, my Creator would soon destroy me.” Job 32:21 NLT
“A violent man enticeth his neighbour, and leadeth him into the way that is not good.” Proverbs 16:29 KJV.
Flattery: Praise exaggerated and generally interested in what is done to a person to obtain a favor or gain their will. Synonyms: adulation, praise, gallantry.
I understood the king praised Nahaman so much that he made him walk on a path that was not good. We fall into a trap when they praise us exaggeratedly and we receive it completely as ours, we meditate on it and review it in our mind then we allow those words to make a nest in our heart. If we analyze, this kind of praise they give us sounds something like this: “You are the best” That is dangerous, our Beloved says: “For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.” (Romans 12:3 NASB), but we can believe it. This praise feeds our self-esteem and self-centeredness, which will inevitably increase our pride.
This makes me think of my dad. I know he didn't do it with bad intentions, but I think I ate all his nice words. I felt superior to other people, also because he was like the king to me, he was my authority. He filled me with praise and said that I was better than himself, that I was smarter than him, I think that made me feel superior to my authority and everyone else around me, of course, if someone else was in the same “level” than me, but, I was above than my authority, so what was left? I was bigger than everyone in the hider part of my mind.
“And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the Lord thy God, and walk after other gods, and serve them, and worship them, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish.” Deuteronomy 8:19 KJV.
“The king of Aram had great admiration for Naaman, the commander of his army, because through him the Lord had given Aram great victories. But though Naaman was a mighty warrior, he suffered from leprosy.” 2 Kings 5:1 NLT.
Leper: Being sick with the skin, [Infectious and chronic disease, caused by a bacteria, characterized by lesions and wounds in the skin, mucous membranes and peripheral nervous system].
I understood Nahaman had been endowed by God with many gifts that made him a brave man, a general who was very important for his country, his own king held him in high regard so it is not surprising that he was praised and laud for his bravery and achievements on the battlefield, which in reality are the achievements and glory of God, but not knowing that all good things come from God and that the gifts we have were given to us by Him, Nahaman was filled with pride.
“Not that we are adequate in ourselves so as to consider anything as having come from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God” 2 Corinthians 3:5. NASB
“The crucible is for silver and the furnace for gold, and each is tested by the praise accorded him.” Proverbs 27:21 NASB