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Chapter 1
“My Story, Raw and Real”
This is not my weekend to have the children with me. I’ve been a divorced, single mother for more than three years now, one of those years without full custody of my children. As I was sitting and drinking coffee with my Beloved Lord and Best Friend, asking Him, "Where do I start?" and "How do I help women going through custody battles who are facing losing custody of their children?" When He told me to start at the beginning and tell my story, raw and real. So let me do just that and begin my story, raw and real.
My custody battle started almost two years ago. My children went to visit their dad, Kevin, and the other woman (Celia) for the weekend like they always did. At that stage, Kevin and Celia were living together with her two children. Her daughter is a bit older than my daughter, and her son is between my daughter's and son's age.
Like other Sundays, Kevin brought the children back that afternoon. Normally, he would come in, hang around a bit, and drink coffee before he left. But that specific day, he came in, didn’t want anything to drink, and just said (those dreaded words), "We needed to talk." I just knew something bad was about to happen because I saw the "hate wall" up again, which hadn’t been there for a long time.
As he started to talk, I cannot even remember everything he said because I think I went into shock… I think I lost consciousness (while still standing upright). I just remember hearing that he couldn’t afford to pay everything he offered in the divorce settlement anymore and that it would be better for the children to go and stay with them. He went on to say I could not afford to look after the children and that I should go and live with my brother 100 km (over 60 miles) away. The worst part was when he said that the children WANTED to go and stay with them, and they loved him more and were happier over there.
Before continuing, let me explain more about my divorce and the original custody agreement. Kevin filed for divorce, and I had to go and pick up the documents at a lawyer’s office in my town. I quickly looked over the papers and saw that it was the normal custody setup: kids would stay with me, the mother, and he would get the children every second weekend. School holidays would be divided between us with the normal birthday and Christmas arrangements. Then, there was a list of things he offered to pay. I didn’t have a lawyer, and we never discussed custody issues or anything else; everything in the settlement document was what he offered. I simply signed what his lawyer drew up, and Kevin came to pick up the documents, and that was it, no arguing, no discussion whatsoever about custody without any demands from me.
Although he offered to pay for many things, I knew it wasn’t enough to provide or pay for everything, but my Beloved Lord provided for us in miraculous ways. No, we didn’t live in luxury, but we had what we needed.
One thing I do remember clearly during the divorce was that Kevin promised that he would never take the children away from me. He stated that I was a good mother and there was no reason for him to take the children away. I can’t even remember why he said it, but it stuck with me. So, I guess that is why I was so shocked when he came to talk to me that Sunday afternoon.
During the separation and after the divorce, I never kept Kevin away from the children. While he still stayed in the same town as us, he always stopped here after work, drank coffee, and ate something if there was extra food. I knew he was here for the children, so I tried to stay out of their way, but sometimes I was not so sure because he followed me everywhere, making small talk, but that is beside the point. Kevin always knew he was welcome to visit the kids or take them an extra weekend, aside from what was stated in the settlement, which was not what he followed. I knew my children missed their dad, and for their sake, I was very lenient with Kevin regarding seeing his children. I didn’t want to make it more difficult for the children than it already was. Seeing my children crying at night or jumping up when they heard the gate to see if it was their daddy just broke my heart into a million pieces.
Just before the divorce, I already found RMI, read How GOD Can Restore Your Marriage book, did both Courses 1 and 2, and was busy with a Course 3 (cord of three), and that is where I encountered the "Facing Divorce" course. I think, like all the other ladies that come to this ministry desperate and broken, I did not want to think about divorce, but even if Kevin did see changes in me, it soon became my reality because he said it was “too little, too late.” Therefore, I started reading the books Facing Divorce and Facing Divorce ― Again, and what I read made an impression on me and sank straight down to my heart. It helped me to face the divorce and get through it with my Mighty Counsellor, who fought for me and gave me the strength to go through it without fighting.
But let’s get back to that Sunday afternoon.
To be continued…
Please go to the Facing Divorce Course (Feeacing Divorce Course – HopeAtLast.com) for more information
Chapter 2
“Not Fighting for My Children”
I also have to boast about my weaknesses by sharing my mistakes so others can learn from them and why you might blame me for not "fighting for my own children.”
So let me take you back to that fateful Sunday.
As I stood there, listening to what Kevin had to say and still in a daze, an old feeling returned to me. I lost it, and I wanted to fight because now he was “threatening” my children! How could he even think about taking my children away and giving them to the other woman (Celia), which I had to deal with for five years of our marriage? How could he?
So, I completely lost it—everything I learned through the courses—everything I'd been just flew out the window. I am sad to admit the truth because I am not proud of myself and how I handled it at that moment. But I was so incredibly shocked, and my emotions came out of nowhere; there was no previous mention of this, no indication that this would happen.
Kevin left fuming, and I just fell apart; reality sank in, and I realized he was very serious. His mind was made up, and I knew no amount of pleading or fighting would change anything. The next couple of days, I continued doing everything wrong. I went to my aunt (my godmother) and told her about Kevin’s plans, as did my other aunt. They both told me I must fight this, and I could not allow Kevin to take the children to live with him and Celia. They even gave me an envelope with money for me to go and see a very fierce lawyer they had heard about, and I quickly made an appointment.
But then my Beloved Lord stepped in, and He started to work in my heart. He gave me the desire to translate the Facing Divorce, Again book (I think because everything sinks in so deep when you translate), and He reminded me of one verse I previously read in the Facing Divorce, Again book: “Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.” I just fell to the floor, realizing how miserably I failed, not just myself and my children, but I failed Him. I was walking on this journey with Him, and with the first big opposition coming my way—I failed. Thankfully, His Grace is sufficient for us, and He is always there, ready to pick us up, take our hand, and continue walking with us, leading and guiding us.
Then He reminded me of the appointment as if to ask: “So what about the appointment?” I told Him that I didn’t know. I did not want to be disobedient to my aunts, but even more, I did not want to continue disobeying HIM. So I started to pray for three days before the appointment, asking Him to deliver me without being disobedient to anybody. On the day of the appointment, and as the hour came closer, I just kept on talking to Him. When the time came to leave to go to the lawyer’s office, nothing happened to indicate that I shouldn’t go, but my hope was in Him, and I trusted that He would show me His will.
As I drove, I just kept on talking to Him. When I reached the offices, there was nobody, not even a single car, outside in the parking area. The appointment was for just after working hours, but there was no sign of life; the gates were closed, and I just sat there in my car, asking my Beloved Lord, now what? He just said, “You can leave now. It’s over.”
I drove back and went to my aunt to fetch the kids and return the money. I told her what happened, and I told her I couldn’t do this. I told her I prayed about it, and He made sure the appointment didn’t happen, so that is not His will or His way. She said a few things, but I didn’t really listen. I know she loves my children, and she loves me; we have always been close since I was a little girl. She is my other mother, and my children are her grandchildren. Of course, she is concerned about them because she loves them to bits. It is so true what I've learned on my restoration journey, the more we talk, the more we will continue to get worldly advice from people who love us and care about us and mean well.
Until today, this whole situation affected my relationship with my aunt (my godmother). We still visit each other, and she is always friendly and helpful. But from what she says, I know she blames me for not fighting for my children. But I trust that He will restore all relationships at the appointed time and use this whole situation as a testimony for all to see. And He is the One fighting for me and my children; I only need to be still.
I’ve learned some very important lessons from how I handled this situation, and I started to apply them more zealously from then on. One is to win without a word, always have a gentle and quiet spirit, agree enthusiastically, and take everything to the Lord and let Him handle it or guide you in what to say if you have to say something.
So now I had to walk out the rest of this trial with Him and, in the end, lay down my will for His. One thing is for certain, it won't happen by getting myself a rich husband.
Chapter 3
“Can't You Get a Rich Husband?”
Before I continue with what happened, I just have to interject something here quickly. After the initial conversation that Sunday with Kevin, the hate walls between Kevin and me were taller and wider than ever before. After the divorce and their first holiday together, Kevin told me his eyes opened (a bit) to the reality of having four children together (his and Celia's). After that time, Kevin and I became friends again and we did things together with our children as a family and spent a lot of great times together.
Even when the kids were with him, he invited me for dinner. And if the kids were with me, he would be here just visiting until he had to go to sleep for work the next day. But I knew the pull towards Celia was strong, and he still visited her. But at the same time, he also accused me of having somebody else, and he said he could see it in my face (well, I did have Somebody else, a Heavenly Husband, but even if I did try to explain, I don’t think he understood).
Then, suddenly, he decided to move away, and he moved in with Celia and her children. We still got along fine when he picked up or dropped off the children, and I left him alone to live his life and pursue the happiness he thought he wanted. But not being close to his children affected him a lot, and it also affected the children because, living far away, he couldn’t pop in after work to tuck them in, and he suddenly became a weekend dad.
But I knew and still know it today, maybe because my Beloved Lord reminded me about it; money wasn’t the only reason he started the custody battle. There were a couple of months after the worst lockdowns ended when he worked less and got less pay, but it was only a few months after everything settled down that they started to live a high life with a big house, fancy cars, a caravan, and private schools.
After that first holiday, he also told me that he couldn’t have her children stay with him at the expense of his own children. He sees her children most of the time, but his own children he only sees on weekends. Deep in my heart, I know that was the biggest reason for the custody case, but again, I gave every part of it to the Lord and left it there with Him.
Now, back to the custody “battle.”
The next thing that happened was that Kevin and I went to his lawyer with a mediator because the original settlement had to be changed, with primary custody going to Kevin. The mediator was a small, young woman, and would you believe she actually said she prayed about this case before the appointment? I just said thank you and that I also had prayed.
That was another day I cannot clearly remember. I just remember sitting around that table, and I saw them with papers, payslips, and calculators, trying to see how they could work out Kevin’s budget and just to prove to themselves and to me that he couldn’t afford to pay everything he offered in the divorce settlement anymore.
There were two things I remember very clearly, however, from that meeting: his lawyer turned to me and asked me two things:
- “Have you ever met Celia; do you know how nice she is?” (She was Celia's divorce lawyer, and Kevin also used her for our divorce.)
- “Can’t you get a rich husband who can look after you so that you can keep the kids?”
I couldn’t even answer; I was just too stunned that she would ask something like that. At some point, his lawyer suggested that we take the children to get a “Voice of the Child” VOC to find out where they want to stay and what they want to do.
Kevin agreed, but I had to make the appointment and take them because he works during the day. It was the last thing I wanted to do because I do not believe in psychiatrists at all due to my own experience with them after my mother passed away.
To keep calm, I just talked to my Beloved Lord and told Him how I felt about everything. But I told Him that I knew I must be obedient to what was asked of me and that I knew He would be with them throughout.
So, the first appointment was made, and I took them. Her consulting room was at a church, and when they went in for the first session, I saw a small hill on the church grounds with three crosses. at that moment, I just felt drawn there. I just stood there and looked at the cross and talked to my Father because, at that moment, I needed a Father. I was broken. I felt lost with the whole situation and the whole process, bringing my kids to this place and the possibility of losing full custody of my children, along with them moving more than an hour away and just seeing them every second weekend.
There, standing at the foot of the cross, my heart truly broke, and I could understand how some women could just take their children and flee. I could understand why mothers do crazy things or even commit suicide when they lose custody. Up until that point, I was just walking and operating in a daze, it was just my Beloved Lord that was keeping me upright and functioning. But there, at the foot of the cross, He lifted the haze, and He started to talk to me, and He assured me that everything would be okay and that this is all part of His plan, and He would be with me each and every step of the way.
For more information that I found helpful, please read Counselling and Psychology on HopeAtLast.com.
Chapter 4
“I Needed to Be a Better Mother”
After the first appointment with the psychiatrist to get the VOC, the psychiatrist wanted to talk to me about her findings. She basically told me that the children want to stay with both of us but that there are some things she doesn't feel comfortable with and that she would like to see them one more time before she wrote her final report. She also said that she would call Kevin to share her findings with him and talk to him about another appointment because she needed consent from both of us. So I said I would give consent if that is what Kevin wanted.
I didn’t know this, but she also told me that she spoke to Kevin before the first appointment to find out what his reasons were for wanting to take the children away. She also wanted to assure him that she is not on my side in this case, or on his, she is only concerned about the children and what is best for them. She said that Kevin was afraid that I would say things that would affect her final report because I was there with the children. But I never did, and I didn’t need to—I had my Mighty Counsellor who knew my feelings and concerns. And during these sessions, the parents do not go in with the children, as they go in one at a time, so there is no outside influence on what they share.
The psychiatrist did ask me how I felt about this and what I thought would be the best for the children, and I said that if staying with Kevin is in their best interest, then I will let them go. But I kept my true feelings and my prayers to myself; I only poured my heart out to my Beloved Lord because He was the only one who I could trust, the only One I could really work with in this situation, not the psychiatrist or anybody else.
At this point, I truly embraced "win without a word" and having a "gentle and quiet spirit." For a period of time, I received a lot of bad emails and criticism from Kevin. But because I started to apply these principles, the emails from Kevin stopped. I also began to apply "being agreeable" and embraced every insult and agreed. It was a difficult time for me, but I have learned that keeping quiet, being agreeable, and being gentle and quiet diffuses bad situations and keeps you in perfect peace, trusting only Him.
During this time, the children asked me some questions regarding the divorce. Kevin talked to them when he filed for the divorce, so I don’t really know what he told them, I never asked. I answered their questions briefly without detail or saying anything bad about Kevin or Celia and reiterating what I told them during the divorce process. Until today I have never told them anything bad about their father or tried to ruin their relationship with him.
My Beloved Lord really worked in my heart regarding this, and for their sake, I knew it would be wrong to say more. After Kevin spoke to the children when he divorced me, I told the children that divorce was not what I wanted. I also mentioned that I made some mistakes but that my heart’s desire was to fix what was broken, but I had to let go. At that stage, because I was still new on my journey, I thought I had made a mistake telling them that, but later, I realized it worked out for good because my children knew the divorce was not mutual. They also understand that being divorced and having them stay in two homes, with one of them being a "blended family," was not what I wanted for them.
After spending some time with the OW, Celia, my children came to me at one point and told me that I needed to be a better mother and be more fun. Celia played with them, and I just did homework and all the “boring” stuff with them. This really broke my heart, but my Beloved Lord reminded me that I am their true mother, and there is a huge difference.
During the entire process, I could see that the children were very conflicted; they wanted to go to this new school because they were told how great it was, and they wanted to stay with their dad, but they were also worried about where I would stay and if I would be okay, and if they would still see me. So, if I did say anything to the children, I just assured them that I would be okay, I would still see them, and whatever they wanted to do would be fine. I assured them that I would always love them, I would always be here for them, and that I would always be their mother, no matter what happened.
Kevin agreed to a second appointment, which was made for the following week, so, again, I took them, and by this time, I had more peace. I was no longer in the totally broken state that I was in during the first appointment. This time, while they were busy, I went to the cross again, but for a different reason. I went there just to be in the presence of my Husband and talk to Him. The only reason I was able to get to this point was by really grabbing on to Him and surrendering, giving everything to Him, and trusting in His plan.
Afterward, the psychiatrist spoke to me again and said that she wanted to make an appointment with Kevin and me to discuss the situation and her findings. I really did not want to do this, but once again, I had to agree, and the appointment was made for the following Friday afternoon.
Before this final appointment, I really had to seek God for wisdom to help me attend this appointment with Kevin. I really needed Him to help me and guide me through it because, in my own flesh, I was not able to do it. I was afraid of sitting there and listening to what Kevin had to say. But perfect love cast out all fear, and during the time leading up to that final appointment, He filled me with His perfect love.
Chapter 5
“Only He Can Turn Hearts”
During the week before the final appointment with the psychiatrist, which Kevin and I were required to attend, I really had to seek my Beloved to keep me at peace. This appointment would determine whether the kids would stay with me or go live with their dad and Celia. But I knew Who had already made the final decision. I trusted God and His plan. So, I really had to depend on my Beloved as I surrendered my will for His to help me through whatever transpired from this appointment.
The day finally arrived, and as I drove there—it was a 20-minute drive—I just spoke to my Beloved to please help me, keep me in perfect peace, and zip my lips no matter what was said. I was very nervous so I needed Him to get me through it because I was not able to do it in my own strength.
When I got there, Kevin was already there, and we had to wait for the psychiatrist. We greeted politely, but there was nothing else to say, so there was an uncomfortable silence between us. But that was okay because I spoke to and listened to my Beloved. When the psychiatrist finally arrived, we went in.
I have to share that this was probably the second most uncomfortable situation I was ever in, the first being the appointment with Kevin’s divorce lawyer. Why I say this was uncomfortable is because of what the psychiatrist told Kevin while I was sitting there.
The psychiatrist told us the kids wanted to stay with both of us, then she turned to Kevin, and she started telling him stuff like "divorce is never the answer" and "the children want us together." Then she told him about her dad, who left her mom for another woman, and the repercussions in her life. Kevin didn’t say a word while she spoke to him. It made me extremely uncomfortable because I knew where his heart was, and it was not with me, so nothing she said would make a difference. Only God can work in situations like this— if it is His will to restore, and only He can and will turn hearts, Kevin's and mine.
Then, she began to talk to us about "the best plan" going forward. Kevin wanted the kids to stay with him immediately and change schools, but it was the middle of the school year. So she told him that would not be in the children's best interest because it is not just changing schools; it would mean changing from an Afrikaans first language school to an English first language school. Then she suggested a week/week custody plan, but because we were not living in the same town, she asked me if I would be prepared to move. I immediately said yes if that was best for the children. But for the rest of it, I just remained quiet, and the conversation was more between Kevin and the psychiatrist; I felt like I was watching a movie.
Kevin said he would let the children stay with me to finish the school year, but he couldn't afford to pay grocery money, and he also agreed that a week/week custody plan would be the best for the children. However, he was scared that I would be unable to buy food for the children when they stayed with me until the end of that year. But I spoke again and assured him they would be provided for and the children would never go hungry. I didn’t know how, but I knew "God would provide all our needs." That was the end of the appointment, and we left.
The arrangements weren't entirely settled, but a plan was already forming—not our plan but my Beloved's.
A few days later, Kevin visited me, and we discussed what we'd do moving forward. He said as long as I could provide food and other necessities for the children, the children would stay with me to finish the school year. He also said that he would continue to pay my rent and utilities even when the kids stay with him, and I would not have to move to my brother's house. This was a huge blessing because I only lived about a 30-minute drive away from them, compared to an hour's drive away from my children if I had to go and stay with my brother.
Kevin also asked me if I wanted to move to their town so we could follow a week/week custody plan. I told him that I would pray about it, and if it was His will, He would make it possible for me to move and provide everything I needed. Kevin was okay with everything.
Things between us at that stage were peaceful; there was no fighting, all because of the principles I'd learned and applied. I agreed with everything he said, knowing it is God Who is always in control. So that was the end of our “custody battle.”
As far as I know, what was decided that day was only sent to Kevin’s lawyer in an email, but it didn’t go to the court to make it official, and the original divorce settlement was still in effect.
It's also important to add that during the psychiatrist's appointment, Kevin said nothing bad about me or to me. He just kept saying that I am a very good mother and that this has nothing to do with me being a bad mother. I kept quiet and only briefly answered questions directed at me with minimal words.
At this point in my custody battle, we were at the beginning of the last couple of months until the children left to live with their dad. At the time, I didn't understand how important it was for me to go on this journey, which He graciously provided for me to encourage other mothers. I'm thankful my relationship with Him was close enough to surrender and rest in Him completely. Nevertheless, I kept hoping and praying that the Lord would step in and stop what was now in motion, which I will share more about in the next chapter.
Chapter 6
“He Prepared Me”
After the last appointment and the discussion Kevin and I had, the children stayed with me for 5 months. Deep down, I knew it was final, but I kept hoping and praying that my Beloved would step in and change Kevin’s mind about continuing with this, turning his heart.
This was a very difficult time for me; although I had peace during the whole process and knew I had to let go and lay down my will for His, reality hit me, knowing as the 5 months were passing by so quickly soon I would have to let my children go. There were many sleepless nights during the first month or two, nights I just cried at His feet and told Him I cannot do this, I cannot let my children go and stay with Celia and give her most of my responsibilities as their mother. My heart would break when I packed their lunches for school because I knew this task would no longer be mine. I would not be the one working on their homework with them or taking them to school anymore. The simple things we as mothers do for our children would be taken away.
Nobody knew what I went through during those first months. It was a journey I had to go on with only Him because I knew I needed Him to help me. I knew I was not able to do this in my own strength. I knew I had to grab onto Him for dear life; otherwise, I would fall apart. It was difficult, but going through this time with Him was necessary for what God had for my children and me in the future.
During this time, I continued to translate the Facing Divorce, Again, book into Afrikaans, and I gained so much wisdom and understanding that helped me through this difficult time. Like the book encourages, rather than fear and pull back I knew I needed to approach His plan enthusiastically.
Slowly but surely He pulled me out of my despair and then one day I was just filled with His peace that surpasses all understanding. He gave me the story of Abraham, who had to sacrifice his only son Isaac, and how he was rewarded for his obedience regardless of how difficult it must have been. He reminded me of this story on several occasions, and I knew I was being called to a higher obedience. This finally gave me the ability to let go completely, surrender, and be joyful regardless of what was to come.
I stopped crying over what I was about to lose, and He started to show me what I was about to gain. I started to see that I would have more time to spend with Him, my Beloved, and more time for ministering and ministry work. A time to completely heal and a time to start living again. It was a time to be the fun mom my children wanted me to be (like Celia) and to use the time I would have with them to do things other than schoolwork, study, and get them to school and back—spending time just being with them.
Yes, there would be some homework and exams, but that was not the only thing I could do with them anymore because Kevin had them three weekends per month, so I only had them during school weeks and one weekend per month. So that didn’t leave me with a lot of time to do anything else than schoolwork, driving them up and down and getting them ready for school.
My Beloved really started to turn my heart, not Kevin's. He did not turn the situation around, but He changed how I felt about it. He turned my attitude regarding this difficult situation around. He gave me total and utter peace and even joy. He gave me the strength to face the situation. Because of this change in me, the tension between Kevin and me also disappeared, and we were able to have a peaceful co-parenting relationship. To this day, we are able to communicate peacefully regarding the children when we have to.
During these 5 months, the subject of the children going to stay with Kevin was never brought up, and deep down, I kept on hoping it would go away. But it didn’t. In late November, Kevin brought it up again...
Chapter 7
“The Final Hurdle”
One Sunday in November, when Kevin brought the children back, he came in as usual, asked for coffee, and went to sit on the couch. By this time, the "hate wall" was down again, and he always came in when he came to pick up the kids and when he brought them back. Most of the time, he stayed for coffee. This time I could see he wanted to talk but it was not like the first Sunday when he came in to tell me about his custody plans. He looked rather sad but also serious. After I gave him his coffee, he said we needed to sort out the final arrangements for the next year.
Although I prayed that this moment wouldn’t come, I had peace in my heart and was able to respond enthusiastically, so I went to sit down on the other couch. He told me that he would send me the application forms for the new school and that I must please sign them as well, and I agreed. Then he told me that he booked a two-week holiday for all of them during December, over Christmas and New Year, but that I could have them for the rest of the time until a few days before school started in January.
It was very difficult not having my children with me over Christmas, and inside, my heart broke, but with my Beloved holding my hand, I could again agree enthusiastically. I just agreed enthusiastically with everything he told me, and finally, Kevin left.
I went through the rest of November helping my daughter study for exams, attended my son’s prize given at school, and invited Kevin to attend, which he did. The school year ended in early December, and it was a school holiday. Kevin sent me the application letters, which I immediately signed and returned to him. Going the extra mile, I offered to buy all their school supplies for the next year and cover all their books, which he agreed we'd do, and he subsequently sent me all the lists.
Before my children went on holiday with Kevin and Celia, I spent a lot of time with my children, taking them to some fun places and just being with them. I kept on assuring them that I loved them, that I would always be there for them, and that my door would always be open if they one day decided to rather move back home with me.
Kevin came to pick them up for their holiday, and I was in total peace. During the two weeks they were on holiday, I held on to my Beloved, and He helped me to enjoy Christmas and New Year with my family. I had a wonderful time during these two weeks, just being in His company and spending time with Him and giving everything to Him, and He gave me the following verse before the start of the new year:
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19
This verse really gave me so much peace, knowing that whatever this new season brings, He is busy working, no matter what the situation looks like through our human eyes.
Kevin also kept mentioning that I must move to their town so we can follow a one-week schedule, but I kept assuring him that I was waiting for the Lord to make it possible for me to move and that I would be waiting on His timing and will. Kevin understood and left it there.
After Kevin brought them back after their holiday, I just had bit more than a week with my children before they left. I must admit this was a difficult week for me while I got their things ready for the new school year. I had peace regarding the situation, but I was still sad.
So, the day finally arrived, and Kevin came to pick them up. I'd asked my Beloved to prepare me for this day, to not cry in front of my children, and to continue to be enthusiastic until they left. And He helped me. He got me through this moment, waving to them enthusiastically and telling them that I would see them very soon, the first weekend after school started.
After they left, I just cried at my Beloved Lord’s feet, knowing He had a plan in all of this, trusting Him with this new journey, and knowing He is with me, always holding my hand. The first week was difficult, knowing Celia was taking them to school, packing their lunches, and picking them up from school. It was also the first year I did not attend their first day at school, but Kevin did send me pictures.
It was a big change for me not to have them with me during the week. I had peace with them visiting their dad and Celia over weekends, but now I had to get used to it being the other way around— to become the weekend mom. But holding onto Him changed everything, and it only took about two weeks to adjust to the new custody arrangements.
Living only a half-hour drive from my children allowed me to pick them up from school on Friday, three weekends per month, and then have them stay with me until Monday morning when I dropped them off at school again.
In my next and final chapter, I want to share more of the things I went through and learned throughout the first year that my children lived with Kevin and Celia. I learned some very important lessons during the first year. Most importantly, I got through the first year with peace and joy, with precious Beloved beside me!
Chapter 8
“What I’ve Learned”
It's been more than a year since the kids went to live with Kevin and Celia. I have learned a lot during this year, but looking back, I can clearly see His hand in my life. If it weren’t for my Beloved Lord, trusting Him with His plan, I would not have made it through the first year. I can honestly say it was a good year. Yes, there were trials, but overall, it was a good year.
It afforded me a lot of time to just sit with my Beloved and just be in His presence, reading the Bible or working through living lessons to strengthen me spiritually. I had more time to take care of myself and go to the gym, clean my house, and relax a little, which I couldn't do when I was a full-time mother.
Financially, I was better off than the previous two years. I did not have millions, but I was able to pay for everything without worries and buy what the children when they were with me. I was also able to take them out to fun places once a month and become the fun mom.
My relationship with my children changed because I was able to spend quality time with them without rushing them to school and back, doing homework, cooking, and getting them ready for the next day. Having them with me over weekends and school holidays changed our relationship for good.
Everything I was afraid would happen, for example, my daughter getting closer to Celia than me never happened. My daughter asked me to do her nails over the holidays, she asked me to do her make-up to see what she would look like, she came to me with her problems and asked my advice, and my son clung to me when he was with me. He is always close by my side.
And my Beloved answered one of my biggest prayers! At the beginning of the year, when they left, I shared my biggest concern with my Beloved. I told Him that my daughter was at the age where she would become a woman, and if it was His will, to please let it happen when she was with me, but I would be okay if it didn’t happen the way I wanted it. He led me to buy everything she would need: a pretty bag to put everything she would need in her school bag, supplies to take to her dad, and some to keep at my place and I spoke to her about the changes that would happen in her body, just preparing her for this big event in a girl’s life. How wonderful that my Beloved answered my prayer, and late that year, it happened over a weekend they were with me!!!! I was able to guide her through everything and just be there for her! He is SOOO amazing and gave me the desires of my heart!
During this time, I learned to ask Him to reveal anything of concern to me because I did not want to ask my children any questions about what happened at their dad’s place. I never wanted to put my children on the spot or make them feel like they were spying for me. I am also really not interested in what happens over there. However, if there were something I needed to be made aware of regarding my children that I should know, my Beloved would reveal it to me.
Over the last month or so, He revealed some concerning things, but they are things that happen at school, the peer pressure that children are under these days, and bullying, and I am trusting Him to once again help me guide them through this.
I learned to trust my Beloved for my children’s protection. Even if the situation were different and they lived with me, I couldn’t protect my children. I am not always with them, and therefore, my protection is no protection at all. Only He is always with them, and as their Heavenly Father, who loves them more than I ever can. As their Father, He is more than capable of protecting them. I must just trust Him and leave their protection to Him and His mighty, ever-present, capable hands.
I learned to ask only my Beloved’s guidance, and He proved that His guidance is the best there is! When my daughter struggled with mathematics, He showed me it was because of the change in first language schools. They were always in Afrikaans first language schools, with English as a second language, but that changed when they went to live with Kevin; they changed to an English first language, Afrikaans second language school. He also provided a math tutor to help her—a family member I never knew gave extra math classes!
I have learned to always ask my Beloved first whenever Kevin asks me something. Kevin always asks me before the school holidays how I would like to arrange the schedule. But I always ask my Beloved first, and He had me always tell Kevin that I trust him to be fair with the schedule and that I will leave it in his hands to decide. And every time, except for one holiday (but my Beloved had better plans for us), Kevin’s schedule turned out exactly how I discussed it with my Beloved Lord. This proves that having a "gentle and quiet spirit" really does work in all situations, and the additional time spent with Him meant that it is not forced. It is my Beloved changing me, guiding me and giving me the ability to have a gentle and quiet spirit that is precious in the sight of God.
I have learned that without the Lord as our Husband or Best Friend, without holding on to Him, we cannot get through any trial with peace and joy. I have learned that if He is all we want, all we have, and all we need, then we have everything we need to live—not just survive, but live the Abundant Life He died to give us!
I have learned how much He loves us, cares about us and He is concerned about us, He knows everything that is in our hearts and loves to fellowship with us. He loves to fight our battles for us, we just need to be still in His presence! This year I truly felt like I came home, to where I always needed to be, in His loving arms!
It is my hope and prayer that what I shared in my first Novel will help and encourage you to go through custody battles or anything that comes against you with the Lord as your Mighty Counsellor, with Him right by your side holding you. If you face your trials with Him and trust His way and His plan, I promise He will be faithful and turn it around for your good as He did for me!
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Posted in: Custody
Are you an Aspiring Author?
Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I. Send me.” I68
“This is wonderful in every way imaginable Adina. I’d love the opportunity to proofread for you if you’re interested. The process we established for your other RJN was both easy and light for me.
I’d also wanted to recommend that this becomes Part 2 and might have a single page dividing it. I’m on my phone but added something to address this at the bottom of https://narrowroadpublishinghouse.com/wtt/ that I’ll come back later to work on.
Adina, if you move this chapter onto NRP Oh, also move this comment there as well since this isn’t really the place to discuss writing as an author, but just to get excited about what you wrote, and about this particular chapter. 🥳🥰”
https://loveatlast.org/my-custody-loss-update-and-new-chapter-%f0%9f%92%97/#comment-1468
Here is the document I created, He led me to just made a copy of my RJN and share it with same people so I believe you’ll have access 🤣
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FTKhQSIK5OwDv1DGDA7AvXBH65ACNMcGvGE-8UlxhnU/edit?usp=sharing
I will only say that every day I can verify that what his word says is real, “His plans are for peace and good” when we are in the process, sometimes this is difficult for us to accept and believe, but if we leave everything in his hands the work, thanks for sharing Adina🤗
My children are older, and I did not have these problems… but I would like to soon be able to write about my restoration journey like you, hugs.
Solo diré que cada día puedo comprobar que lo que dice su palabra es real, “Sus planes son de paz y de bien” cuando estamos en el proceso a veces esto se nos hace difícil aceptarlo y creerlo, pero si lo dejamos todo en sus manos el obra, gracias por compartir Adina🤗
Mis hijos son mayores, y no tuve estos problemas.. pero sí me gustaría pronto poder escribir mi viaje de restauración como ustedes, abrazos.
Obrigada Nelly, sim, estar no meio da tempestade nunca é fácil. Quando tudo isso começou, quase me quebrou. Mas então Ele lentamente começou a me dar uma paz que excede todo entendimento.
Também estou ocupado com meu RJN “My Journey Home” que você pode ler aqui: https://narrowroadpublishinghouse.com/rjn-adina-jacobs/
Thank you Nelly, yes being in the middle of the storm is never easy. When this all started it almost broke me. But then He slowly began to give me peace that surpasses all understanding.
I am also busy with my RJN “My Journey Home” that you can read here: https://narrowroadpublishinghouse.com/rjn-adina-jacobs/
WOW Adina que Novela y Testimonio tan increíble, realmente mi corazón se estremeció tan solo de pensar estar en tú lugar, nuestros hijos son un punto de quiebre en nuestra vida y solo con la ayuda de Nuestro Esposo Celestial pudiste dejar ir y entregarlos en el altar como lo hizo Abraham, algo muy díficil, realmente difícil como madre lo sé, pero todo es para nuestro bien y para alimentar a mujeres que lo necesitan, y para Gloria de nuestro Esposo.
WOW Adina, what an incredible Novel and Testimony, my heart really shook just thinking about being in your place, our children are a breaking point in our life and only with the help of Our Heavenly Husband were you able to let go and hand them over to the altar like Abraham did, something very difficult, really difficult as a mother I know, but everything is for our good and to feed women who need it, and for the Glory of our Husband.
Thank you, my dear Esperanza. Although it was one of the most difficult things I went through, I had my Heavenly Husband was with me the whole time, assuring me that things will work out for good.
I guess it’s normal for a mother to worry about the damage that can be caused by something like this, but I know their healing is also in His hands, and He also have a plan for them because of what they went through.
My heart hurts for you as I read this. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I’m currently in a storm and my children are in the forefront. I love how you kept bringing everything to the Lord and then trusting and leaving it at that. Also how perfectly and light the move to the new townhouse and homeschooling went, whereas if you would have pushed it on your way it would have only caused division. Thank you again for writing and sharing. I have to remember that God is able to do more than I can imagine and not having my kids living with me won’t end in sure disaster like the enemy and my flesh tell me it will. he loves our children even more than we do and will use this for their good too.
Yes my dear Rasa, this lesson really helped me a lot: https://loveatlast.org/finding-the-abundant-life/chapter-12-your-best-protection/. Our Beloved Heavenly Husband loves our children more that we could ever do, therefore we can surrender them into their Heavenly Father’s hands.
Win without a word and gentle and quiet spirit became real to me during this trail, seeing the fruits of having these qualities. Having a HH does not mean we will not face trails but having Him causes us to go through our trails differently than the world, we can have peace and joy in the midst’s of our trails.
I’m so grateful that I read your testimony and I know when you say that you trust God with your children you mean it. he’s shown you time and time again he loves them. Praise God for the beautiful work He’s doing in your life and in your children 🖤🖤
Dear Adina,
What a valuable testimony, my heart broke when i read the first chapter and as i read how sad you were because you had failed HIM when you totally lost it… what can i say? It was so unexpected, i totally understand that you lost it… even though we know its not the best we can do, but most important, He understands what you were going through and He was there for you.
It is so lovely to read how he picked you up and made such a gentle and quiet spirit out of you… i am so impressed by what you went through… and more impressed by the outcome! You are homeschooling your children and managed to bring peace to your relationship with your eh.
Reading the fact that you did not want to move back to that town because of the pain you went through before at that place, i am sure it is His plan that you go there for a very specific reason and that He is taking you to another level of healing that will result in something beautiful.
I dont know where you are at now, but i truly pray for you that He finishes what He started in your family.
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Quiero saber si hay alguna forma de leer esto en español, si existe alguna publicación de este testimonio en español, que alguien me lo pueda compartir, Gracias de ante mano.
I want to know if there is any way to read this in Spanish, if there is any publication of this testimony in Spanish, that someone can share it with me. Thank you in advance.
Hi dear Gaby, we don’t have it in Spanish yet, but I will send this comment to our Spanish Ministry as well should the Lord lead them to translate.
Hola querida Gaby, aún no lo tenemos en español, pero también enviaré este comentario a nuestro Ministerio de español si el Señor los lleva a traducir.
Querida, ya nuestro equipo de traduccion ha tomado esta tarea, esperamos tenerlo listo en Español en dos semanas si Dios permite. 🙏🏻
Gracias Yvonne por compartirme este comentario 🙂
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Dear, our translation team has already taken on this task, we hope to have it ready in Spanish in two weeks, God willing. 🙏🏻
Thank you Yvonne for sharing this comment with me 🙂
Querida Gaby, ya tenemos los pirmeros 6 capitulos traducidos al español, puedes leerlos aqui: https://esperanzaalfin.com/rjn-adina/
Querida Gaby ya esta completa la traduccion al Español, espero que sea de bendición para ti. 💖
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Dear Gaby, the translation into Spanish is now complete. I hope it is a blessing to you. 💖
Adina, thank you for this testimony. The Lord gave you the strength to go through that journey and to let go of your children. Like Abraham, you gave them to the Lord and He gave you peace and wisdom to walk in His arms and accept His Will.
As you say in your novel, only Our Beloved knows our tears, and only by going to HIM do we find peace and strength because we could not do it alone.
He guides your steps, and everything you have gone through is to give glory to the Lord, because He has always been by your side, listening to you and taking care of your children as well. And I know how it hurts when our children are exposed, and I cried when I read your novel because it reminded me of times when my daughter, in particular, was with the Other person, and that hurts a lot, but Our Beloved is the protector of our children, and everything He does is within HIS plan. Thank you dear Adina and may the Lord continue to bless you.
Adina, may I ask something? When you said you “just told them that I made mistakes during our marriage. Until today I have never told them anything bad about their father or tried to ruin their relationship with him.” I agree it’s very wise because our children need to “honor their father and their mother so it will go well with them and they’ll live long on the earth.” But have you made sure they’re able to honor you, their mother, not just their father?
I believe this is where I made mistakes. I wanted so much to do the right thing that I believe the enemy schemed and pushed this too far.
At least I was wise enough to tell them I didn’t want to be divorced, so my children did not assume the divorce was mutual. Is there a balance or a way to stay in the center of the narrow road like Erin talks about?
After Kevin spoke to the children during the divorce, I told the children that divorce was not that I wanted. I also mentioned that I made some mistakes but that my heart’s desire was to fix what was broken, but I had to let go. At that stage, because I was still new on my journey, I thought I made a mistake telling them that, but now I realize it worked out for good because they know it was not mutual and being divorced and having them in stay in two homes with one blended family, was not what I wanted for them.
What you said encouraged me a lot. May I suggest you weave that into the chapter I was reading when it made me doubt? I think it’s really important for mom’s with custody issues to know.
Thank you so much. He led me to make small changes to this paragraph:
“During this time, the children asked me some questions regarding the divorce. Kevin talked to them when he filed for the divorce, so I don’t really know what he told them, I never asked. I did not say anything bad about Kevin or Celia and just told them that I made mistakes during our marriage. Until today I have never told them anything bad about their father or tried to ruin their relationship with him.”
Changed it to:
“During this time, the children asked me some questions regarding the divorce. Kevin talked to them when he filed for the divorce, so I don’t really know what he told them, I never asked. I answered their questions briefly without detail or saying anything bad about Kevin or Celia and reiterating what I told them during the divorce process. Until today I have never told them anything bad about their father or tried to ruin their relationship with him.”